When people I meet find out that my husband is in the army, the most common reaction is, "How do you deal with it?" My response was always, "I just keep busy." That line worked for the first few months of his deployment when I had to deal with fixing our insurance information, changing my name on my ID cards, preparing the paperwork for my greencard, and decorating the apartment. Now that everything that needs to be done has been accomplished and that we are 9 months into the deployment, I start to feel the distance.
It has been a week since Jorge called me last. I know i should expect this since missions would usually last 3-4 days, sometimes, it can even last for a week. Jorge averages 2 phone calls a week, so if i dont get any calls for one whole week, i start to get edgy. The other army wives would reassure me saying that no news is always good news, they are just busy. When Jorge does call, he cannot really give me any details regarding his missions. He just gives me a general account saying that the mission was successful, everybody is ok and they caught some bad guys. As his wife, I feel bad since I know there are things that happen during these missions that can haunt his dreams but for security reasons, he cannot share any of it with me to 'unload.'
So what is it like being an army wife? Tough. Very tough First, I am here doing all chores and making all decisions alone. Even if I can consult with my husband with household and financial decisions whenever he calls, almost always I am left with the task to decide then and there. Then, when things bother me at work or when my emotional tank is running low, I dont have my best friend here to talk to.
But that is the least of my worries. If i have to do things by myself, I will make myself do it. The biggest challenge an army wife has to deal with is the worry she feels for the safety of her husband. Everyday, I always make it a point to keep my cellphone at hand. I CANNOT miss any of his phonecalls. Each phone call is as important as life itself. As morbid as it sounds, it may be the last. Then, when he does get home safely, the next big challenge is to adjust to having him around when I am already so used to being alone. We have to start from scratch and work towards getting to know each other once more. We both have to adjust to the changes in our lives because at the end of the deployment, neither spouse is the same, more so with him since he will have to reintegrate himself to the civilian world and deal with post-traumatic stress disorder.
On a more positive note, being apart, pushes us put the effort to make the conversation as happy as possible. We feel closer as we develop our communication skills as husband and wife more and more. We also consult each other on big purchases and make decisions together on scenarios we expect to happen. We both recount favorite memories like how our feet rub against each other under the sheets even if we are facing opposite sides of the bed and plan trips like going to Miami and spend a weekend strolling along South Beach. For now, past memories, the good opportunities we would have in the future and the promise of togetherness are what keeps us strong and sane. It's true, absence does make the heart grow fonder...but it only holds true if both parties make the commitment to nourish your relationship. So far so good. Right now, we have begun counting down the days. Six more months! I can't wait to see him.
Hope this answers some questions out there.
